The Absurdity of a First World Problem

An Olivetti rotary dial telephone, c.1940s

There is a person (let's call him Mr. Smith) that has always had problems with cell phones. Mr. Smith is in his 90s and just doesn't quite grasp the full concept of how to use a cell phone. He forgets to turn it on. If he remembers to turn it on he forgets to recharge it. And most often he forgets to bring it with him. Mr. Smith has had a number of relatives try to show him how to use his cell phone which has usually been an older style flip phone. But those instructions usually are forgotten within a matter of days or weeks simply because he doesn't use his cell phone with any regularity.  Mr. Smith decided that he needed a new phone because it must be that his cheap phone just doesn't work. It also doesn't help that Mr. Smith loves gadgets and always wants the best possible one; or at least what he images to be the best possible one. And Mr. Smith has seen his family using their smartphones with ease.

So Mr. Smith went to the store in search of a better phone.

They sold a 90 year old senior citizen that has trouble with cell phones (and even cordless phones for that matter) a Samsung Galaxy S3. 

And they did so without showing him how to use it. 

The salesperson told him that they do have classes on how to use the phone but that they don't have any scheduled anytime soon.

Now Mr. Smith has a far more complex phone with features that he will never understand let alone use and presumably a two year contract that includes data, messaging and a exorbitant number of minutes that won’t get use. 

There is a part of me that sort of wants God to dole out a bit of extra judgment on salespeople that take advantage of people. There is also the part of me that wants those salespeople to find forgiveness. And I need to remind myself that I am only imagining a sales person and a transaction that I did not observe. It could be that Mr. Smith went in and demanded the "best phone." It could be that the sales person tried to talk him into something different but Mr. Smith wouldn't budge on what he was going to buy. I worked in retail for a long time and actually had these types of experiences. 

Knowing Mr. Smith this isn't completely outside the realm of possibility or even the realm of probability.

In the end it doesn't really matter what events occurred that led to Mr. Smith sitting there trying to figure out how to use his new Samsung Galaxy S3. All I can really do is shake my head and try to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

Aging Rockstars

A number of years ago I had the chance to see my first Van Hagar concert. (That's the Sammy Hagar version of Van Halen for the uninitiated.) I was a Van Halen fan while in high school but never went to any concerts. I mean I didn't go to any concerts. So as an adult I have gone to a few concerts in order to "catch up" on seeing some of those old favorites. Some shows–like U2–have been better than others–such as the aforementioned Van Halen. One of the things that struck me about the Van Halen concert was that the songs were obviously originally written and sung when the group was much younger. Some of the songs just didn't fit and others were kind of creepy.

Enter Tim Hawkins:

 

Hope you enjoy!

 

A Man's Guide to Making Pancakes

Pancakes are one thing that every man should know how to cook. With a little effort and care they can be part of a delicious breakfast. They can also be a very good lunch or dinner. Today I would like to share with you the two basic methods to make pancakes. These two ways are based upon how many people you will be cooking for. The first method is when you need to cook the pancakes for a group of 2 or more. The second method is when you are cooking for a group of less than 2.

Both methods start the same. First pick out a recipe. There are a wide variety of recipes to choose from that include adding fruit or chocolate chips or any number of extras. While I am partial to normal pancakes it is recommended that when you are using method 1 it is good to consider adding something. Plopping a few blueberries into the pancakes is a great way to impress. It is highly advised that you skip all add-ins if you are using method 2. If you must–don't tell anyone. You will just be opening yourself up to some much deserved ridicule. Personally I am partial to this particular recipe. Once you have the recipe picked out you need to estimate how much to make. Always guess high. There is nothing like having an insurmountable stack of pancakes to put on the table. Mix up the batter. The next few steps depend upon which method you are using.

For method 1 (groups of 2 or more) the first thing to do is to preheat the oven to 275. This will allow you to keep the pancakes warm until you have cooked a number sufficient to feed a small country. Next you need to heat up your griddle. For larger groups I recommend having an electric griddle that will allow you to cook 10-12 pancakes at a time. (Immediately run to the store and buy one if you don't have one. Look for one that has a "Pancake" setting on the controls and not just temperature numbers. Numbers are useless. Remember to turn the oven off and put the batter in the fridge while you are gone.) Slather up the griddle with butter so that the pancakes get a nice golden brown and don't stick to the griddle. There are lower fat options but–again–just don't tell anyone. They are not as tasty as real butter.

Pour the batter onto the griddle into pancake shaped pancakes. When they get bubbly like in the picture above flip them. Check the bottom after a few moments and when they are done put them in an oven safe dish inside the oven. Repeat this process until you are satisfied that your group will have enough pancakes for the rest of their natural lives. Serve the pancakes on a platter topped with butter. Keep the maple syrup on the side to avoid having soggy pancakes.

For method 2 (groups of less than 2) you need to preheat a skillet, have your plate, fork and maple syrup ready. This method cooks the pancakes one at a time. Once the skillet is hot enough slather it with butter. Pour the batter onto the skillet in a pancake shape. Follow the same cooking directions as method 1. Once the pancake is done put it directly on your plate. Pour another pancake shaped pancake onto the skillet. Put syrup on the first pancake and eat it. About half way through eating the first pancake the second pancake should be ready to flip. Put the second pancake on your plate once it is done cooking. You will most likely already be done eating the first pancake. Repeat the process until you cannot bear to eat another pancake. Then finish eating the pancake you are currently cooking.

Every man will be blessed to know these tried and true methods.

The "fake" Michael Jordan

 

The people who make ESPN commercials can be quite brilliant at times. But this video leads me to wonder if it would be better to be the actual Michael Jordan and getting mobbed everywhere you go or the "fake" Michael Jordan and constantly disappointing people?

One Very Strange Day

So I was sitting there writing my blog post for the day yesterday and I heard a strange noise coming from the other room. At first I just assumed that it was one of the cats playing with something that they were not supposed to be playing with. Anyone who has owned a cat can vouch for their mischievousness. They get into the plants and eat them. They will knock things over or off of dressers just to watch them fall to the ground.

Our cats are not the most graceful cats and can make a lot of noise. One is a 20 year old white Persian, Velvet, that was never very graceful and has become even less so in her old age. The other is a 10 to 12 year old grey Tabby, Tigger, that has put on some serious weight because of the food that we need to feed Velvet to keep her from losing too much weight. Tigger labors under the illusion that she is still a young and spry cat which can cause her to be very clumsy. She has fallen off of the top of the couch and misjudged a jump up onto the bed just to fall back down. It can be quite humorous to watch her.

I realized that I needed to get up and investigate when I heard another more metallic clunking sound.

I was in the study and I knew that nothing was going on there so I decided to go into the bedroom. The cats are usually laying on the bed. They spend so much of the day lounging around in our bedroom that it really is their personal lounge and not our bedroom. Nothing was amiss in their lounge so I went into the hall. After walking through the empty hall (really there is not much to it; we live in a small condo after all), I entered the kitchen. Then it was when I looked in the dining room that I saw something that absolutely shocked me.

There was a strange woman in the dining room.

"Excuse me! Who are you?" I stammered. She looked rather shady and I wished that I was armed. I really had no clue as to who she was. She did, however, have a feather duster in her hand.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that anyone was home," she replied with a bit of what looked like a sneer. It was kind of creepy. She continued: "My name is Blanche White and I was hired by a woman that I am assuming was your wife to help out with the housework."

My wife and I had discussed hiring a maid service back before I entered seminary. We were both working in the business world and hated having to come home and clean. But we really hadn't talked about it since then because it just didn't seem financially wise. Apparently she went ahead and hired someone without telling me.

"Oh, ok. I just wasn't expecting anyone else to be in the house. Was that you making the clunking noise in here a few minutes ago or was it one of the cats?" I asked. I hadn't seen either of the cats lounging on the bed. Tigger avoids new people like the plague but Velvet loves everyone.

"That was me. I was dusting the centerpiece on your table and I accidentally knocked it over. Fortunately none of the glass candle holders broke."

Again she had this sneer on her face that made me feel uncomfortable. It was one of those things that was just so surreal. I looked over at the table and saw that the centerpiece did in fact look like it had recently been wiped down. It was clean...a bit too clean.

And that is how I knew that it was Mrs. White, in the dinning room with the candlestick.

 

 

My Next Garbage Can

Diabetes King

Kudos to the guy or girl that did this.

Fast food is quick, easy and has the illusion of being inexpensive. It is also not the healthiest of choices.

Source: COPCWa via The Consumerist

Bazinga!

This may be one of the funniest clips from one of the funniest episodes from one of the funniest shows on TV. (At least through the first 2 and a half seasons.)

Cat vs. Printer

This one is specifically for my wife. Although I am sure that others will enjoy it just the same.