A home going worth remembering

A friend of ours, Mr. Simon Lane, passed away in January. It was really sad to hear especially because we had not seen him or his family for a number of years. My wife used to work with Mr. Lane's wife a number of years ago but both ended up getting laid off. The first time that I met the Lane family was when they came to our church to sing.

Wow.

The Lane Singers were impressive. I had seen good singers before. I had been to professional concerts before. But there was something special about this family. There was Mrs. Lane and what seemed like 20 daughters singing (they only had 6 daughters and I can't quite remember how many were singing with them at the time) with Mr. Lane on guitar and their son on bass. I could have sat there and listened to them for hours.

I had just started to play the guitar and get involved in helping out with worship at church so I was particularly drawn to Mr. Lane and his guitar playing. As I got to know Mr. Lane over the years I heard rumors and stories about how he made his way up to Chicago from Mississippi. One story that I particularly liked was how he had come up to Chicago to audition to play with Muddy Waters but instead ended up becoming a Christian and meeting his wife. Mr. Lane gave me the best piece of musical advice I have received. At one point I was telling him how I was struggling to learn to play a song the same way that the original artist was playing it. Mr. Lane told me that I needed to make the song my own instead of trying to playing it exactly the way someone else did. That forever changed the way that I approached playing music and leading worship.

The other stories about Mr. Lane that I really appreciated were the ones that his children told at Mr. Lane's "Home Going" service. They didn't have a funeral service rather they had a home going service. One of Mr. Lane's favorite sayings was that his citizenship is in Heaven. He was a devoted follower of Christ and knew that his sins were forgiven. He knew that when he died that he would be going to meet his maker in a very positive way. He knew that because of his faith in Christ that he would spend eternity in Heaven. And his family was also strongly aware of this and they celebrated his going home to Heaven. That celebration was filled with great singing, powerful spoken and written words as well as many tears.

Sardis Lane, Mr. Lane's son, gave the eulogy. It was equal parts remembering the impact that a strong Christian father had on his son and telling the Gospel message which gave the family the hope of seeing their father again one day. Sardis spoke with great passion about the need to share the Gospel message. In that moment Sardis was a living example of 1 Peter 3:15:

"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect."

And Sardis credited the reason that he needed to give the Gospel message to the impact that his father had on him. I don't know any greater legacy that a parent can leave for their children. I hope that whoever gives my eulogy feels that same great hope and need to share the Gospel message.

I count myself blessed for having known Mr. Simon Lane and his family. I count myself blessed for the opportunity to hear the Lane Singers singing of their great faith. I also count myself blessed for the opportunities that I had to be involved as a musician in their concert events. Although I wish that I had taken greater advantage of those opportunities. But then I do have the great hope to once again be able to sit and play guitar with Mr. Lane. The next time we do so will be in Heaven in the presence of God. That will be a glorious time.

 

Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

 

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Time is money

I would assume that most people understand the value of time on at least a basic level. Who hasn't lamented that "there aren't enough hours in a day" during a busy spell of life? It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of life just to run out of time to do all the things that we intended to do. There is another value to time that may be a bit less obvious. There is a saying that "Time is money" which is generally used in the business world to mean that time not spent making money is time spent losing money. If we really think about it, time really is money in the sense that we get to decide how to spend it in the same way that we would spend dollars. However time is a very limited commodity–we cannot produce any more than we are given every day or are allotted in life–it is also a very valuable commodity. And because it is a valuable commodity how we spend it tells us what we value.

One of the things that my wife and I have decided to do is be more intentional about spending time together. Yes we spend a lot of time together but, for instance, right now we are in the same room sitting a foot apart from one another. Yet as I am typing away and she is doing other things we might as well be worlds apart. It's not that we don't spend quality time together. What we are trying to do is to carve out even more quality time together. One of the places that where we found that we have time to spend together is in the mornings during breakfast.

It started off that we went to Panera Bread for breakfast twice a week. I would drive her to work–we only have one car–and on the way we would stop and get a bagel and coffee. It was great to spend about fifteen to twenty minutes sitting and talking. Unfortunately the extra driving was costing us about an extra tank of gas every week or two. That added to what we spent at Panera, we were spending up to an extra $200 a month to spend about an extra 3-4 hours a month together. We liked spending the time together but didn't want to spend that much money.

And that is where we came up with the idea for Café Mannino.

It is our own personal eatery where we are spending quality time together. What we decided to do is to still get ready like we were going to leave early in order to go to Panera. Then we toasted a few bagels in our own toaster and poured a couple of cups of quality Trader Joe's extra dark coffee. Because we didn't have to fight traffic we actually spent a whole 30 minutes together. The first week stuck to the same schedule as our old Panera schedule. The second week we decided to expand to five days.

So over the course of a month we are now going to spend an extra 10 hours together all the while saving anywhere from $120-200. That is the equivalent to an extra day off of work every month.

I share this as an example of how we were able to squeeze a bit of quality time out of each day that adds up over the long haul. We decided that spending time together in the mornings was more important than other things that we could be doing. It took a bit of creativity and sacrifice but it is something that can be done if it is important to you.

 

Way back in the day...

You know that things a bit out of whack if you are "excited" about paying $3.20 for gas. My wife and I were heading up to get together with family in Cadillac, Michigan for the weekend. The Chicago area generally has the highest gas prices in the country and it was at about $3.70 in our suburb just before we left. On the way up we stopped in Holland, MI and bought gas for $3.20. It reminded me that, back in the day, I remember paying less than $1. Just this morning I heard that gas is at $5.00 a gallon in Los Angeles and is rising all across the country. It is a very good reminder that as we move through life things and things change that we can never really go back to the old days. Even if gas were to go back to near $1 it would not be the same as going back to the days when gas was last at $1 per gallon.

One of those things that has changed greatly since those days is our reliance on modern computer technology. It has become a pervasive (or even invasive) part of our existence. During our time in Cadillac the family rule is no technology. My cousin's house in Cadillac doesn't have a TV and they just recently put in Wi-Fi. But even with the no technology rule iPhones and iPods can often be found in use. So this weekend there was an even stricter no technology rule enforced...no iPhones or iPods. The rule was clearly spelled out to all the kids–young and old alike–on Friday. The young kids were the technology cops for us older kids as much as we were for them.

"I thought the rule was no phones," was the common refrain from a youngster whenever one of us adults slipped a phone out of a pocket. It is amazing to find out how much we rely on our phones when you have little and sharp eyes pointing out your every use.

Over the weekend something amazing happened. I spent more quality time with my cousin's kids than I have in a while. He and his wife have children ranging from 10 to 4 years old. In the past it had been easy for me to just hand one of them my phone when they asked for it and let them go off and play games. It was easier for me to break the adult rule of no technology than it was for me to look a young child in the eye and say no.

Today there is social media and technology that allows us to build relationships quick and easy but there is a real lack of depth to those relationships. There is no replacement for the slow and more difficult process of building a relationship through spending quality time with someone. This doesn't mean that these advances cannot help sustain a deeper relationship but we should never allow them to become a substitute for the better way. When we use the quick and easy way there is the ability to remain somewhat anonymous. There is also the ability to hide those things that we don't want people to see behind those things that we do want people to see. When you spend large amounts of quality time with someone those hidden things cannot stay hidden for long. That is when real relationship building starts; when we build a relationship in view of our total being and not just a facade that will crumble at the first sign of a storm. Those relationships are the ones that will stand for a long time.

I might not be able or even want to go back to the days before technology existed but I can focus on building relationships the old fashioned way.

 

Encouraging the Encouragers

Every one has a story to tell. We can all tell the story of how we became the person that we are today. The las week or two I have been working on my story and there are two critical people that have led me to be where I am today. I thought that I would take a few moments and share a part of that story which highlights those two people.

I was born and raised in a Christian home. One of my childhood memories is of my Dad sitting in his study chair preparing Bible Study lessons which led me to wonder who, what, why and how. All of those books he would read fascinated me and the one that I found most irresistible was his lime green Strong’s Concordance. It had so many pages of strange words that were not even shaped the same way as any words that I knew. I remember playing with the other kids while our parents engaged in Bible study and always being mindful of the discussions that would keep the adults captivated for hours. I look back and see the fire that burned within my father to properly understand and apply the Bible. It makes me wonder about the content of those studies. In a lot of ways it helps me understand these same passions that burn within me. My father passed on those books to me when I started leading Bible studies as a young adult. Those books now captivate me–including the lime green Strong’s Concordance–as much as they captivated him. I thank God for my father, who laid this foundation in me and continues to encourage in me.

In 2004 I married my best friend. Onya and I met when I was working as a youth pastor in Chicago. She was one of the adult volunteers that helped me and was a big part of the youth ministry. During that time we were not romantically involved at all but we slowly built a solid friendship that eventually turned into our getting married. At the time of our wedding I was working for a captive finance company. It was quickly clear to my wife how unhappy I was working in the business world. She encouraged me to think about what it was that I was passionate about. Through our discussions and prayers it became clear that what I was most passionate about and best gifted to do was some form of ministry work. That led to me go to seminary to pursue my Masters of Divinity and now on to full-time work. My wife not only made that possible but she has been my biggest supporter during my studies. She is still my biggest supporter and encourager as I am going through the job search process.

Both my father and my wife have played a large role in shaping me into the person that I  am today. This is not to minimize the very helpful and influential roles of others like my father's wife; my brother and his wife; my aunt and uncle; my cousins and cousin-in-laws; my brother-in-laws and their wives; my father and mother-in-law; and my many classmates, pastors, and friends. But I wanted to take a moment and share how two of them have specifically shaped me. It is good for all of us to take a moment and think about how those around us have shaped us. Sometimes they shape us for the good and sometimes for the bad. What we need to do is recognize those that shape us for the good and to make sure that we encourage and increase their influence on us. 

 

The Trap of Our Words

My wife has been watching a BBC show called Downtown Abbey which is the story of a fictional aristocratic family. The show starts out just after the sinking of the Titanic. The sinking of the Titanic has created a problem for the family because the law states that the estate can only pass to a male heir. The family only has daughters and the oldest daughter was engaged to marry her cousin. This would allow the estate to remain in the family but he died on the Titanic. Because of this loss the next closest male heir is another distant cousin. Unfortunately for the family this cousin–Matthew–is not an aristocrat. Matthew is part of the upper-middle class and is about to start a job as a lawyer. When Matthew and his mother come to the abbey there are a number of culture clashes which includes the handling of servants. 

The servants in the abbey have a hierarchy that has its own set of rules and an honor system. One of the higher positions is that of being the valet to the Lord. The servant that was serving as Matthew's valet felt very disrespected in that Matthew did not allow the valet to perform his duties. The valet finally approaches Matthew and he makes the comment, "Well it seems that those things are beneath a grown man."

Matthew immediately realizes that he deeply insulted the valet. The valet was merely doing the job that he was hired to do and one of the best jobs that he could get. Matthew apologizes profusely but the damage had been done.

It shouldn't come as any surprise that the things that we say can hurt people. I am sure that everyone can relate a story where something that they have said hurt someone. And I am sure that everyone has been on the receiving end as well.

But there is a flip side to this as well. While our words can have power over others, others can have power over our words as well. I came across a story like this the other morning. The story is found at the end of Mark 11. Jesus has entered Jerusalem for the final time and is in the week between Palm Sunday and Good Friday. The beginning of the week is marked with conflict between Jesus and the Jewish religious leaders.

Just the day before Jesus had cleared all of the money-changers and people selling animals out of the temple. "Surprisingly" this didn't sit well with the chief priests, scribes and elders. So they came to challenge Jesus:

"By what authority are you doing these things, or who gave you this authority to do them?"

They didn't like what Jesus was doing and were trying to do anything to discredit him. The question was most likely a trap. The leaders figured that they could catch Jesus saying something that would cause him to either lose his popularity with the people or to greatly anger the Roman authorities. If Jesus lost his popularity with the people then the leaders could get rid of Jesus without angering the people. If Jesus upset Rome then Rome could get rid of Jesus and the people would be angry with Rome. Either way the Jewish leaders figured it was a win for them. But they didn't count on how Jesus would respond:

"Jesus said to them, 'I will ask you one question; answer me, and I will tell you by what authority I do these things. Was the baptism of John from heaven or from man? Answer me.'"

The Jewish leaders found themselves in a dilemma. They realize that if they answered that John's baptism was from heaven then they would be in trouble for not believing John. If they answered that John's baptism was from man–which is what they believed–then they might anger the people and they were afraid of the people. The Jewish leaders were more concerned about maintaining their position of power by saying what they felt that the people wanted to hear rather than seeking the truth. 

It is a very easy trap to fall into. Our words can easily be controlled by what we want others to think of us rather than by our seeking and speaking the truth. When that happens we have given other people power over our words. We have a balancing act to do. We must speak in love whenever we speak in truth. We cannot say something hurtful and fall back on the excuse of it being the truth. We also cannot say something untrue because we think that it will cause someone to think better of us.

It strikes me that what we see in the story about Matthew and the valet along with how the Jewish leaders were trapped points out the importance and power that we find in our words. We need to not only be careful about what we say but also about who we allow to control what we say.

What do our relationships with each other say about our relationship with God?

Every relationship finds its focus in God. And not just marriages or other romantic relationships but every relationship that exists.

In geometry a focus point is the point in which a curve is defined. Each point of the curve is a set distance from the focus point. It is not always the same distance but there is a relationship in the distance that can be measured by a mathematical equation. And while I am not saying that relationships can be reduced to some sort of mathematical equation, it is this sense of the word focus that I am using. In the same way God is the focus point that defines our relationships with each other.

Let me demonstrate what I mean with a couple of images:

From Wandering Journey of Faith

Let's pretend that I can actually draw a triangle.

In this image we see that God is (ignoring my poor drawing skills) the top of a triangle that is drawn using two other people. Think of the points as the people and the line between them as the relationship. The line is the representation of the relationship and not the definition of it. This means that the line is the result of the placement of the points of the people. So when one person grows closer to God the point moves and the lines change.

In the scenario where one person has a closer relationship with God the resulting triangle would look like this:

From Wandering Journey of Faith

Notice the length of the line between Person A and Person B. The distance between them grew noticeably longer. (Or it should have if I had any drawing skills.) This greater distance can be very obvious in some instances but not so obvious in others. We also do not usually see dramatic quick changes in relationships like we do between the first and second drawings. It usually happens over a long period of time.

Now this is not to say that you cannot have two people grow closer together without growing closer to God as in the following example:

From Wandering Journey of Faith

It is entirely possible. It is also possible for two people to grow closer to God without actually growing closer together.

What I am saying is that it is very difficult maybe even near impossible for one person to grow closer to God and to another person without that other person growing closer to God at the same time. As a matter of fact we see the Bible warning against these types of things.

Paul warns in 2 Corinthians 6:14 about the imbalance found in relationships between believers and unbelievers. And the beginning of Proverbs does so as well albeit in more graphic terms. (I don't know that any of my non-Christian friends have recently said: "Let us lie in wait for blood; let us ambush the innocent without reason.") The problem is that we will aways be separated by one major thing: our allegiance to God. It doesn't mean that we cannot have good relationships with non-Christians. We just need to look at the life of Jesus for an example.

Rather when our relationships with other Christians start to grow distant and our relationships with non-Christians start to grow closer we need to examine our relationship with God. These changes in relationship probably have more to do with our own relationship with God than anything else.

The Twitter age and relationships

Bears fans know all too well the instant analysis that is available on the Internet. Jay Cutler was scrutinized on Twitter by both analysts and other players for leaving a playoff game before the game had even ended. The firestorm that ensued followed Cutler into this season. That one snippet branded Cutler as a soft player even though the course of his career showed otherwise. It took a game on Monday Night Football where he was taking a pounding and kept bouncing back for the "Jay is soft" talk to start subsiding.

Even today I came across an article that was talking about how Apple had slipped to the number 5 mobile phone producer in the third quarter. The article was pointing out that the slowdown was due to Apple changing their product lifecycle. Instead of introducing a new phone in the summer as had been customary, Apple introduced their new model in October. What I found interesting wasn't the talk about Apple or the reasons behind the numbers rather what I found interesting is how the analysts are looking at a companies performance on a quarter by quarter basis.

It is the business equivalent to the Cutler instant analysis.

It should be no surprise to anyone that pays attention to modern American culture that our lives have been reduced to the soundbite. A political campaign or career can hinge on a single statement or action. Stocks can rise or fall on mere rumor or conjecture. Yet if you really think about your relationships with those that are close to you, none of them are based upon a soundbite.

On the one hand my relationship with my wife completely and drastically changed on the utterance of two words:

"I do."

And with that we were married. But our marriage has never been based upon that single soundbite. Rather it was built through years of friendship that lead up to the point where we both decided to say those words. No relationship is truly built or destroyed on a single action or soundbite. A relationship grows or decays over the course of time. We may live in the age of the soundbite but that is not how we actually live our lives...if we want to be healthy.

The same is true with our relationship with God. It is not based upon a quick statement or simply praying the "sinner's prayer." Rather it is something that takes time to grow and should always continue to grow.